forgotten things

i'm moving my blog...

2008-09-22T10:33:00.000-07:00

i know
it's a revolutionary idea
to have your blog title
and your url title
the same title...

i'm switchin over to
http://theforgottenthings.blogspot.com

see you there!

another treasure from the library...

2008-09-21T19:15:00.001-07:00

how can you not love a cd
that features gary oldman
asking for a sticker on his nose?

harvest time

2008-09-21T11:35:00.000-07:00

blackberries

2008-09-19T16:16:00.001-07:00

trying to get our blackberries
before the bears do....

the stroller is no longer enough...

2008-09-19T16:16:00.000-07:00

not quite able to walk
but no longer content to sit passively watching so many interesting things go by...

it's not easy being a baby

2008-09-15T12:11:00.000-07:00

"i watch [my children] weave their way around trees in a forest; jump in the ocean with abandon; and wrap their hands around a pine tree as they climb, getting covered in sap and loving the sticky feeling on their fingers.

"they aren't worried about tripping on the roots above the ground, whether or not the water is too cold, whether they have dry clothes to change into, or how many days it will be before all the sap is washed off their hands. these details are the details of adults.

"it is the job of children to just be in the world. to know it and to fall in love with it."

- amanda blake soule, the creative family

2008-09-14T13:41:00.001-07:00

heehee

2008-09-13T17:28:00.001-07:00

the little red fish

2008-09-06T19:40:00.000-07:00

just found this beautiful book
by taeeun yoo
at the library...
if you're wondering
if it feels as good to hold as it looks like it does
the answer is an absolute "yes!"

2008-09-04T23:09:00.000-07:00

motherhood

2008-09-04T09:51:00.000-07:00

when i used to wonder

if i wanted to be a parent
certain things worried me
like
early mornings

but
now it's one of my favourite times of day...

it didn't really occur to me
that becoming a parent
would change me
and make me more suited

i was away but now i'm back

2008-09-01T17:10:00.000-07:00

... and i will post a real post soon

in the meantime
perhaps you may enjoy

poppytalk
or
more poppytalk

i wanna handspin yarn...

2008-08-10T20:46:00.001-07:00

like this:

that i learned about in this:

i've been wanting to learn for a while

so i can make things out of cedar's fur

a gift from the sea...

2008-08-07T19:45:00.000-07:00

(photo courtesy of destination north carolina)

one never knows what chance treasures these easy unconscious rollers may toss up, on the smooth white sand of the conscious mind; what perfectly rounded stone, what rare shell from the ocean floor. perhaps a channeled whelk, a moon shell or even an argonaut.

but it must not be sought for or- heaven forbid!- dug for. no, no dredging of the sea bottom here. that would defeat one's purpose. the sea does not reward those who are too anxious, too greedy, or too impatient. to dig for treasures shows not only impatience and greed, but lack of faith. patience, patience, patience, is what the sea teaches. patience and faith.

- gift from the sea, anne morrow lindbergh

we're at the outer banks
humbled by the ocean and the heat

mom with a fractured leg,
sister-in-law with a big pregnant belly,
me with a six month old...

a different trip than it usually is
and yet
it feels strangely as it should be

at amma and pop-pop's

2008-08-07T19:40:00.000-07:00

yay for books

2008-07-30T12:21:00.001-07:00

i'm so happy to be the proud owner of two new amazing books:

and

hooray!!!

click the pictures for links to these two wonderful women

(ps- it wasn't until i was setting up these links

that i realized

my favourite journal ever

was done by lotta... funny)

update

2008-07-27T09:42:00.000-07:00

hi everyone

i'm in washington dc again

without a plugin for my camera

but

ok, here are a few things...

although i rarely shop outside of thrift stores

i love going to anthropologie

partly to look at everything they're selling

but partly because they do some really cool art installations there

their website is pretty fun too...

also

one thing i love about coming here

is the blast of mainstream culture i get

i'm always so sickly fascinated by cable tv

and this time, possibly for the first time ever

rather than being completely horrified

i was only somewhat horrified

and i actually found some things that made me feel

uplifted

hopeful

empowered

how to look good naked

and

countless uses of the term

"carbon footprint"

now

i could jump in with many cynical comments

but i think i'll just leave it at that

2008-07-03T22:10:00.000-07:00

2008-07-03T21:49:00.000-07:00

there are some great old american stamps... really great...

2008-07-03T08:43:00.000-07:00

we love you and miss you, daddy...

portobello west

2008-06-28T08:11:00.000-07:00

have you heard of it?

http://vancouver.portobellowest.com/

it's a
"fashion and art market" in vancouver

i've never been
but i keep hearing amazing things about it
and i have a table for this sunday
...

i'm excited!

2008-06-15T20:33:00.000-07:00

this is a necklace i have
that i made because i thought the stamp was pretty

but
myanmar/burma is such a troubled area
and i generally try to stay away from portraits
if i don't know who it's a picture of

maybe because of the pink
or because it's a woman
i didn't really think she might be a warlord or practitioner of genocide
but
i don't know for sure...
so she's coming off the shelf till i find out

and the funny part
is that i started considering all this
because of the new rambo movie

thanks, sylvester

2008-06-12T21:27:00.000-07:00

this one i really loved
and just recently sold

goodbye, little polska pigeon,

have fun in illinois

wunderkammer

2008-05-28T13:20:00.000-07:00

http://www.environmentalartblog.com/

some very cool things on this site...
thank you, jenny kendler!

an afternoon in may

2008-05-28T12:55:00.000-07:00

the boys...

a snack...

a mirror game...

2008-05-27T21:57:00.000-07:00

i'm not sure if this one makes me more hungry or thirsty
or just in the mood for a good dose of fresh air

i kind of have the urge to lick it
but i don't think it would quite live up to the fantasy in my head

2008-05-25T09:06:00.000-07:00

hooray, lion!
go go go!

2008-05-23T20:35:00.000-07:00

sometimes
stamps are just pretty

2008-05-21T09:41:00.001-07:00

i can't get this one out of my head
it makes me feel so many things
including a deep sadness in the pit of my stomach
and a mama-bear style protective rage
not only on behalf of my own baby
but for this anonymous woman and child

we're baaack...

2008-05-14T07:09:00.000-07:00

... from washington dc
and the here and now show at transformer

...

a stamp a day, may 4

2008-05-04T22:41:00.000-07:00

i was so surprised the vatican has its own stamps
but i guess the pope has to write letters just like everyone else
at first i thought it was a bird with antlers
but now i wonder if it's just holding a bough of some kind...
oh yeah, an olive branch i guess
....
the bird with antlers made me love the stamp
the bough realization made me like it less
but then the olive branch realization made me like it more again

a stamp a day, may 1

2008-05-01T18:03:00.000-07:00

i've loved the italian castle stamps even more
since i found out a good friend of mine
"obsessively collected them" when she was little

i love thinking of her as a little girl
on the hunt
for italian castles

2008-04-29T12:11:00.000-07:00

... and i don't even like sports...

a stamp a day, april 28

2008-04-28T22:20:00.001-07:00

i gave this one to my friend lori
it's her birthday today...

jonah: assisted self portrait

2008-04-28T12:47:00.001-07:00

a stamp a day, april 23

2008-04-23T21:29:00.001-07:00

i love this series of swiss stamps
something so cute about them
i'll try to find the other ones i have...

a blog i like...

2008-04-22T22:45:00.000-07:00

http://camillaengman.blogspot.com/

a stamp a day, april 22

2008-04-22T22:38:00.000-07:00

i love this one...

sleep issues

2008-04-20T11:34:00.001-07:00

before you become a parent
you're warned of sleep deprivation

luckily for me
i'm always awake at odd hours
and jonah's a pretty good sleeper
so it wasn't too bad a transition

the next issue
someday
will be to get jonah to sleep on his own

but

i'm more worried about me

i already have plans
to make
a jonah-sized,
jonah-weighted
stuffed animal of sorts...

a stamp a day, april 17

2008-04-17T23:01:00.001-07:00

what is it?
i think it's a beehive even though it looks like a hut

an idea

2008-04-16T11:30:00.000-07:00

so i had this idea
about a year ago
and it's come back to me

i was thinking
how when we record stuff about ourselves
whether we admit it or not
we're editing

i've tried to think of ways to do this less
and came up with this idea:

when i'm going about my day
every time i find a certain thing-
a bottle cap
or
a lucky penny
for instance

i have to write down at that moment:
where i was
what i was doing
what thought was going through my mind

i think it would be fun to do this
with other people...

be watching for some sort of site or something
but in the meantime
if you're interested
please keep it in mind

a stamp a day, april 15

2008-04-15T23:02:00.000-07:00

i usually don't go for super colourful ones
but made an exception for this russian one

a stamp a day, april 14

2008-04-14T22:57:00.000-07:00

a stamp a day, april 11

2008-04-11T23:48:00.001-07:00

i miss this one
i feel like i didn't get enough time with it before it sold
i love that it's square
and the colours
and the stars in the corners
and of course the pelican

a stamp a day, april 9

2008-04-09T22:35:00.001-07:00

i love this illustration
they did one for each season
it makes me miss ontario
and putting maple keys
on the bridge of my nose

a stamp a day, april 8

2008-04-08T11:27:00.000-07:00

the first time i ever brought my stamp necklaces into the public
i said to someone
there are stamps of pretty much everything
she said
"do you have any with a hedgehog on it?"

um
well
no
maybe not everything

but a few months later
i found this:

i also found one other hedgehog one
but i made it into a pin for my cousin
and didn't scan it

a stamp a day, april 4

2008-04-04T16:54:00.001-07:00

this one's from bulgaria
i love the image

jonah at night

2008-04-03T21:58:00.001-07:00

even when i'm tired
and even though i'm always trying to lure him back to sleep...
i love being up with jonah at night

this is him with his favourite little doggie
close to being lulled
after a stint of feeding
and smiling
and kicking and
looking around

a stamp a day, april 3

2008-04-03T21:55:00.001-07:00

old french stamps are so elegant...

a stamp a day, april 2

2008-04-02T22:35:00.000-07:00

who is this sheepish woman?
i love her house
and her sheep
i'd like to meet her
and maybe even be her for a day
especially if i could bring ken and jonah
and especially cedar...

illustration friday- homage to sofia coppola

2008-04-02T15:43:00.000-07:00

self portrait after watching marie antoinette

a stamp a day, april 1

2008-04-01T19:41:00.000-07:00

sometimes
there's no big story
i just like the stamp...

a stamp a day, march 31

2008-03-31T19:51:00.000-07:00

so
there will be some stamps i know about
some that i'll look up
and some that i know nothing about at all

this is one i know nothing about
other than that it's from greece
and i love it
and i've always assumed she's holding a bowl of medicine
but upon closer examination
i don't think that's true

a stamp a day

2008-03-30T16:53:00.000-07:00

these days

i haven't been posting much
and i've been missing it

mostly it's because
i've been focused on you-know-who:

but last night
i was looking through my stamps
(because as you may know
i make necklaces out of them)

and even though they're ones i've looked at many times
i still get so delighted by them
and have the urge to share them

i really enjoyed bringing them to fairs around christmas time
and being able to show people
and especially
meeting people who knew more about them than i do

so
i had the idea
that i'd try posting them here

some of them are already necklaces
and some are just waiting to become necklaces
but why just have them sitting in a box?

the whole reason
i wanted to make them into necklaces
was because i wanted to give them the attention i felt they deserved

so

...hmmmm, which one to start with...

ok, this one:

i had another version of this stamp from korea
at a show this christmas
i thought it was just a cool tower

but the woman who bought it said
"you know how when you're a little girl you have your favourite empress?"

she said
this tower
was built in korea by a queen
and it was one of the world's first observatories

so i looked it up
and she must mean
queen seondeok of silla
who reigned from 632 to 647 a.d.

the tower is called
"the tower of moon and stars"
or Cheomseongdae

...
i thought it was pretty cool

it's love love love...

2008-03-08T16:23:00.001-08:00

little helper

2008-03-06T18:28:00.001-08:00

sometimes
i make jonah carry the groceries home

things i like to look at

2008-03-03T09:30:00.001-08:00

things my baby likes to look at

2008-03-03T09:16:00.000-08:00

introducing...

2008-02-15T17:44:00.001-08:00

jonah bear rubin flett

the little love of our lives

born january 22nd

more and more incredible every day

moon walk

2008-01-19T13:29:00.000-08:00

these days
i feel like
i'm walking on the moon

slow
heavy
purposeful
dreamlike
awestruck

not really sure if i'll be able to remember it clearly when it's all over

...
i think i like it

letting life happen

2008-01-02T14:39:00.000-08:00

this blog
(as i'm sure you can see)
is called
"forgotten things"
for a whole bunch of reasons

sometimes i feel like
my whole life is a long sequence
of forgetting and remembering

for example
one wonderful part of my job
is that sometimes people write to me
to tell me a bit about their life
and how my work has fit into it
or has even changed things for them

someone just sent me a copy of an article they wrote
about the pinwheel calendar they got

and wouldn't you know
the way they described my own words
put it in a totally new context for me

the design on the cover of the calendar
is one that i haven't been feeling that connected to lately:it's not that i don't agree with it
it's just that i sort of didn't understand it for a while there
that happens to me sometimes with my designs

and
with the baby immanent
and sometimes
(like yesterday)
feeling a bit fretful
about the birth
about our home improvement efforts
about being parents
about being generally ready and knowing what to do

it was so wonderful to get this message from a stranger:
let life happen.

thank you for the reminder!

and how ironic
that not only was it something i originally wrote
but even the previous post on this blog
could be summed up
as trusting
to let life happen.

i think epiphanies are so fun
and i think part of what makes them so fun
is that we get to have the same ones
again and again...

37 weeks

2007-12-26T19:36:00.000-08:00

"from the first days of pregnancy,
when the beautiful creature inside your body begins to puff out your belly and breasts,
makes you nauseated and tired,
makes you have emotional depths and heights,
radically affects your relationship with everyone around you,
you are asked by this tiny new life to adapt to all these changes.

if you resist you will suffer.

you must give in.
you do let go.
you shed your old self.

perhaps pregnancy,
more than any other period in a woman's life,
enables her to understand the complexity of this requirement in life-
to change and to adapt."

- chris pritchard, from "surrender into mothering"

one thing i was not prepared for in this pregnancy
was the way
each step
would prepare us
for what was to come next
...
i could now go into labour at any time
and with everything that's happened over the past 9 months or more
with all the new changes
all the new selves
all the new babies in my belly
i feel such a trust
that one thing will lead to another
and it will all happen
just as it should

...it's such an incredible process

2007-12-18T15:42:00.000-08:00

i think...
i *think*...
i'm actually done for the season

it was fun

but today
when i wanted to take a day off
like kenny suggested
i was kind of stumped...

it had been so long
couldn't really imagine
what i could do

i went to the library
and looked through a bunch of books
about a bunch of things:
how dogs think
how to organize a home
how to be a mamma
how to celebrate jewish holidays

specifically
the idea of shabbat
a day of rest
a day without work
shopping
technology

a day with
candles
food
family
visiting
napping
reflecting

....

it seemed like such a revelation

i wanted to ask kenny what he thought of us observing it
but
i realized
this is a huge commitment

like, huge

even though we could observe it in a way that felt right for us

and it's amazing
how revolutionary it's been today
to even just consider
what life would be like
to make this commitment

...
it's exciting

2007-12-01T15:57:00.000-08:00

edmund dulac

2007-11-27T11:13:00.001-08:00

it occurred to me the other day
that being a parent will mean
children's books

and children's books
will mean
incredible illustrations...

thanks to the parksville library
i have been exposed to edmund dulac
an illustrator from the early 1900s

i love his images...

miracles

2007-11-14T13:45:00.000-08:00

i have a baby in my belly.

sometimes i just can't believe it.

i love you, little bear in my belly.
i love you, kenny.

the importance of stories

2007-10-31T12:40:00.000-07:00

Hasegawa Tohaku, 1539 - 1610, pine trees

"if a story is a seed, then we are its soil...
if we hear a story about a wolf, then afterward we rove about and know like a wolf for some time.
if we hear a story about a dove finding her young at last, then for a time after, something moves behind our own feathered breasts...
in a very real way, we are imprinted with knowing
just by listening to the tale."
-clarissa pinkola estes, women who run with the wolves

i love our doggie

2007-10-23T20:14:00.000-07:00

i love you cedar...

the baby in my belly: end of second trimester

2007-10-16T20:23:00.000-07:00

i'm slowly getting to know
the baby in my belly

so much i don't know yet
and never will
about what that baby is doing in there...
but no question
it's doing it

it's made me think about birthdays
and how
for me at least
i have always sort of understood a birthday
as when someone's life begins

and lately
that just doesn't fit at all

now, of course
it's a pretty big day
for all involved
but it's not like
all of a sudden
it's the day you first get consciousness;
it's not even like
it's the first day you remember
and everything before that you forget

it's just the day
that people can see you
and you have to start breathing air

i read in one of the pregnancy books i'm reading
that in one culture at least
(i forget which one)
a person's birthday
starts from
the day that the parents first get the idea
they want to have a baby

i know not all pregnancies are planned
but in my case at least
with this little baby
who's inside of me
somehow *that* feels like
when this life really started...

etsy site revival

2007-10-13T12:09:00.000-07:00

a long time ago
i had an etsy site
to sell my wares
but i let it sort of go...

well...

i am slowly bringing it back to life...

illustration friday- accordionflies

2007-10-06T21:06:00.001-07:00

the theme this friday
was "open"
and this illustration i did last month
jumped to mind immediately...

the accordion
the butterflies
the music
the woman

and that it was the first illustration i did
on the subject of my pregnancy
after my big realization
that all i needed to do
while pregnant
and as an artist
was open

preliminary necklace shots

2007-10-06T20:58:00.000-07:00

for a while now
i've been wanting to put some of my art into jewelry

last year
i started learning
with vintage stamps:

and this year
i'm finally framing up
the collage pendants i made last summer:

i'm also doing some
of my illustrations
but i haven't taken pictures of them yet

...it's fun

new links

2007-10-02T10:06:00.001-07:00

you may or may not have noticed
i've posted some new art links
that i am now in the habit of visiting every day

littlepaperbird
is a very sweet person, it seems,
and a beautiful book artist, among other things:
spectrescope
is a paper artist from australia
whose work is really organic and raw and i just love it:

gooseflesh
i think i resonate with
because it's a woman who has come to art
from another career (biology)
and it's all coming out
in really unexpected ways:

dear ada
is a lot of fun
because she posts every single day
and has a lot of great links to artists

and illustration friday
is another fun one-
a different topic is announced each week
and people
(including me)
send in art they've done
on that theme

thank you to these wonderful artists

hope you enjoy

2007-09-27T19:17:00.001-07:00

collecting and sorting...

2007-09-27T14:27:00.000-07:00

collecting...

...and sorting

part of the fun of being an artist

more pinwheel is coming...

2007-09-17T22:29:00.001-07:00

just about to get the new catalog out...
always fun to make new designs

baby sunflower

2007-09-15T17:18:00.000-07:00

i've been away a while

we're revamping the room that the computer is in
so it's not quite so accessible these days

but
just so you know i haven't forsaken my blog forever
here's a baby sunflower from our garden
that kenny picked

he puts together the most beautiful bouquets
but also knows when a flower
needs to stand alone

it's been keeping us company
in our makeshift bedroom/office/general campground downstairs

i think it's just so cute

nesting

2007-09-01T11:02:00.001-07:00

the artist's studio

2007-08-30T09:52:00.000-07:00

it is not uncommon
as an artist
to have strangers contact you
and ask to see your studio

well
here is my studio:

a little awkward for visitors
and not quite what people have in mind

i recently read a quote from ann hamilton
who said
"all my artwork starts in the kitchen"

for me
it starts in bed

sometimes
it's an idea that wakes me up at 4 am
often
it's just an attempt
to create
while i'm still a bit soft around the edges
not in my
"gotta go to the bank and then the post office" mode

there's something so basic about sitting on my bed
it was where i spent my time
when i lived at home
or if i had roommates
or was living in a small bachelor apartment
or when i had no other furniture
because i'd at least always have a futon mattress on the floor

so i think that's sort of how it started
basic, yes
but also a feeling
of luxuriousness

flowers for a little bird

2007-08-28T20:42:00.000-07:00

one of my favourite things
is when something i make
surprises me

like this next pregnancy drawing:

i started with the girl's face
wasn't entirely sure where i was going

she looked kinda sad
and i wondered if i should change it
but decided not to

so
this drawing sort of sprung from that

it made me think about finding dead little animals
how it happens to all of us
and can have quite an impact on us, especially as kids

i don't remember the first little dead animal i found
but i remember a few of the first ones

a duckling
a bat
a vole

the initial curious "hey, what's that" feeling
followed by the horror and recoiling
followed by the slow re-approach
followed by the quiet contemplation
and tangle of emotions

often
the closest we get to these small wild animals
can only be when they have died

and i remember
especially with the bat
a feeling of disbelief
not of the death
but of the actual type of creature

at first i thought it was a mouse lying on brown paper
then i gently moved it with a stick
and saw it was, indeed, a bat

i remember being so surprised
that there were bats
in my suburban ontario neighbourhood
and although i couldn't articulate it at the time
it was quite a revelation to me
that there was this whole other world going on
with all these other lives
in my neighbourhood
in my yard
of my house
that i knew absolutely nothing about
and had never seen
and maybe never would

and i think
that's something worth remembering from time to time

sometimes when cedar and i walk in the woods we notice different things

2007-08-27T20:56:00.000-07:00

expecting

2007-08-20T20:09:00.002-07:00

as you may or may not know
i'm pregnant
and as you may or may not know
i'm an artist

and so
as you may expect
i've been wanting to do art stuff
about being pregnant

at first
the only things coming to mind
were things like
drawing naked dancing pregnant women under the full moon
which is a sort of art i was doing many years ago
and i'm not feeling called to make right now

so i thought i'd just wait on it

and a few weeks ago
kenny was away
and when i wasn't working
this is what i did:

spent lots and lots of time alone or with our doggie
walked in the enchanted woods near our house
pulled simple delicious food from the garden
wrote in bed
and watched lots and lots of movies
including

harry potter
marie antoinette
the last mimsy
monsoon wedding

basically
when i reflected on it later
movies that i thought would be really really beautiful
or ones
that had magic in them
just the sort of magic
that i happen to believe in
and always have

and i realized
that this is what pregnancy is for me personally
and in fact
what my whole life is...

this desire
for things to be magical and beautiful
not necessarily always happy and safe
but for them to be rich
and more than what is commonly considered possible

it's sort of a life philosophy, i guess
and when i remember to make room for it
i'm never disappointed

and being pregnant
i want to remember it all the time

and so
i thought
i want to be creating the types of things
i was trying to surround myself with
through movies

it will include little worlds
little maquettes
and bigger worlds
people can walk right into

but for now
starting small
in bed
with some illustrations
of beautiful magical things
that are not outside
the realm of possibility

plastique monkey

2007-08-11T20:43:00.000-07:00

there's a blog i really love these days
this one
that is done by a friend of a friend

and there's something about it
about her
that always makes me feel so good

there's simplicity
and honesty
down-to-earthness
humour
and love that seems to come very naturally and easily

so
i thought i'd share it

thanks for passing this on, sadiqa

and thanks, yuka,
for making art and babies
and letting us have a peek

the specialness of an ordinary day

2007-07-25T10:52:00.001-07:00

i know
this isn't a particularly interesting picture
and i don't even have anything interesting to say about it
but i've been wanting to take pictures of our garden
because i spend so much time there
and it feels like such a huge part of our life here

so this is a part of it
lots of green
kenny's beautiful fence
cedar sniffing around
plants growing maybe a bit too wild
a pile kenny made of something that he's planning on doing something with

nothing special exactly
but one of those pictures
that when i look at it 5, 10, 25 years from now
i'll say
"oh yeah
that time of our life
i remember that"
and i think i'll remember
what today felt like

hearth

2007-07-22T11:39:00.000-07:00

a little while ago
kenny came home
and said
"i impulse bought a wood stove"

now
it wasn't fully impulse bought
we had talked about it many times
we just weren't expecting to get it now

but
it was amazing what i felt... instant relief

i hadn't realized
there was part of me
that felt unsettled
about having a baby
in a home
where we had no means
of building a fire

i'm not sure if it's just a basic security thing for me
or the story that when my parents adopted me
the first thing they did when they brought me home
was build a fire
and lay me down in front of it

but something feels so right now
a critical piece has fallen into place
and i'm so grateful kenny somehow knew that
and bought us a stove

2007-07-19T14:24:00.001-07:00

this is what my favourite mornings look like

2007-07-08T20:09:00.001-07:00

the heart in my belly

2007-07-06T13:41:00.001-07:00

i have a fast little heartbeat in my belly...

i heard it the other day...
it's all i can think about.

i love that
with all of modern technology
and everything a pregnant woman is able to find out before her baby is born
that for me
and many others
the very first concrete thing we "meet" of our babies
is their heart.

the value of education...

2007-06-12T20:17:00.000-07:00

ok
so
i'm an artist
and teach art
and a bit of yoga
but i have this weird education

i can sort of see how it happened
but i must admit
it's felt like the long and winding road to get where i am now

but the funny thing is
i'm pregnant now
and all these bits from my education are suddenly relevant

like
i did a double major for my first degree
psychology and women's studies
and in psychology
i focused on developmental psych
which is basically the study of how human beings develop from conception on
and i keep finding myself searching back through old pictures i have in my mind
of textbook pages
graphs
illustrations of fetuses
experiments with newborns
and it all feels so pertinent

and women's studies
well
that's huge, of course
but i especially keep thinking
of my favourite class
"feminist spirituality today"
taught by the illustrious, rebellious, infamous, wonderful sister patty
and how we had a midwife come in as a guest lecturer
and i remember thinking
i don't know if i'll ever feel ready to be a parent
but i'd sure like to experience pregnancy and birth

then
after i graduated and was in the clear
for lack of having any other direction
i signed up for round two
a degree in health care
and for my thesis
i did it on midwifery
interviewed a bunch of midwives
learned all about what it's like to give birth in a hospital or home
with a doctor or a midwife
spent a whole lotta time on the topic

i finished that last round of school in 2001
and although i'm still paying my loans from it
i don't think about it very often

until now, that is
and imagine my surprise
as i prepare for this gigantic, life changing, personal, spiritual, rite of passage
that i'm finding what i learned in school
to be valuable

waiting and building

2007-06-11T10:20:00.001-07:00

...
it's still so hard to put words to all this
but i really want to try

so
when i look at some charts
and plug in some dates
i'm told
that the reason i've been kind of tired and funny feeling lately
is because
as i go about my days
i've built
one of these:

i'm also told
that although i can't feel it
he or she
is moving all around

it's so cool
that my body knows how to do this
and i don't have to do anything
but allow it
and try to follow its lead
sleep when it tells me to,
eat lots,
cry sometimes

no matter how many books i read
i can't learn how to make a baby
from one cell of mine
and one cell of kenny's
and the incredible thing is
i don't need to

like everyone,
i've had health things come up in the past
nothing too serious, but some chronic
and i've always had big breakthroughs
when i've realized
that my body knows what it's doing
and is always trying to move towards health
and all i have to do
is try to give it good things
and get out of its way
because my head will never understand it

in not too long
it will be really easy for me to feel
that i'm sharing my body with someone else
and then it will come out
and be this whole seperate person

and i'm finding it so amazing
to think about all the people who have ever been in the world
and that we all got here
the same way
...

and again i can only think
that it's all such a miracle

she wasn't sure if she remembered the day or just the photograph of it

2007-06-11T10:18:00.001-07:00

in my belly...

2007-06-03T21:56:00.001-07:00

something kenny and i have wanted
and is making us so thrilled
but i don't quite understand yet

...
...
...

the way i'm feeling
is so different from anything else i've felt
and so always there
that it's keeping me really present
managing hour by hour
rather than getting really ahead of myself with plans and worries

mostly feeling great
and so thankful that my life is flexible
and that kenny's so wonderful

it's such a miracle

still, i'm almost puzzled that i'm not more scared
maybe it just hasn't hit me
although
i keep having this image in my head
of these lambs i saw last year that were only 2 days old
and sure, they were wobbly
but they were running around
just slightly smaller, more rambunctious versions of the adult sheep
and i'm sure glad
human beings don't come out like that

this feels like the most important, incredible, huge, wonderful thing
i feel so grateful even for being this far

i saw this and it made me excited...

2007-05-30T15:55:00.001-07:00

it's not often i feel compelled to post a link
even though there are a lot of great sites out there
but this one
i really enjoyed...

http://www.xmarkjenkinsx.com/

i think more than anything
it was another reminder
that you can make art
and display it
without having a gallery show

...why do i seem to constantly forget that?

heehee

yesterday

2007-05-29T11:10:00.000-07:00

my little next door neighbour
told me
she's allergic to dinosaurs and elephants

...
from a few other things she said
i think she thinks
allergic means
something you need to stay away from
because it makes you hurt or sick

makes sense
i think i'm allergic to dinosaurs too,
but it's hard
because i really like them
and i wish i could have one

bjork

2007-05-24T22:21:00.000-07:00

last night i went to see bjork

i loved it

her 10-piece brass band was made up of what looked like high school students
(although she's 41 looks maybe 25 so maybe they were really in their 30s)

she has so many years of music
it was amazing to hear a bunch of them together

she was so cute
but sometimes a force to be reckoned with
singing lines like
"i'm a fountain of blood in the shape of a girl"
and
"when do i get my cuddle?"

and some of her new songs
gave me my familiar bjork feeling
the frozen half-smile with a furrowed puzzled brow
some of them made me think
....
i don't know, bjork
maybe i can't do it this time

and yet
i know
i feel that way with each of her new albums
maybe not all of the songs
but for sure some of them

but it's like when sometimes i listen to someone with a heavy accent
and at first i don't understand what they're saying
and then i suddenly tune in
and i get it

she pushes me
and makes me laugh
and makes me feel solid
and vulnerable
and reminds me what it means to be human
and childlike
and a woman
and an artist

thank you, bjork
for doing what only you seem to do

last night i dreamed of deer again

2007-05-16T18:14:00.000-07:00

2007-05-08T23:10:00.000-07:00

... this is the man i love
and i feel like all the things i love about him
are visible in this picture

our over-the-alley neighbours

2007-05-03T14:11:00.000-07:00

there's an adorable girl who i met the other day outside my house
i said "this is where i live"
she said
"i know- i look over your fence every day"

well
she just moved in to the house next door, just on the other side of the alley from us
and she's the sweetest little girl

she loves cedar
i've been excited for them to spend time together and get to know each other a bit
she says things like
"your dog is cute"
or
"i like his nose- it's cute"
or
"i like his eyes- they're cute"
one day
she had food all over her shirt
so cedar was licking it
but
she thought it was because her shirt had a picture of a dog on it
who knows, maybe she was right

she also knows he likes sticks
so our lawn is covered in ones that she throws over the fence for him

... she has a brother i'm excited to get to know better too
met him for the first time the other day
he was out with a tape measure measuring things

i said
"we're so lucky to have you for a neighbour"
and she said "i know"

lesley

2007-05-02T22:07:00.000-07:00

have you gone on facebook yet?

it's like the show
where they said
"blah-dy blahblah, This Is Your Life!!!"

at least it has been for me

i lived in waterloo, ontario until i was 19
my parents and brother moved to washington dc 2 years later
so i haven't been back in about 12 years and haven't had ties there

until facebook...

it's really odd. really odd.

like you know those days when you're walking down the street
and you run into someone you haven't seen in 20 years,
and it feels really incredible and hard to believe
and brings back all these memories
and thoughts about your life?

it's like that
except
it's like having that happen a dozen times
in the space of a handful of days.

that's lesley and me
(as you can see by my t-shirt...
obviously child abduction prevention education hadn't fully hit yet)

we were best friends beginning when i was under two
until she moved to the other side of town in grade 6

it's funny
we were so little
and yet we were still us

i feel like i know her so well
but i know nothing about her as an adult

still... there's so much we know about each other that nobody else would know
and there are things in these pictures that i still recognize in myself
i wonder how similar she is now?

a couple of years ago in vancouver i saw someone i went to high school with
we didn't know each other well
but i saw him from the back
and i guess at some point i had a class with him and he sat a few seats ahead of me
and i recognized him
from the back
from how he chewed his gum
... at first i didn't even remember his name

...
it's funny
the mysteries of life offering themselves up to be pondered
via facebook

our across-the-street neighbours

2007-05-02T21:07:00.000-07:00

one thing i like about living in port alberni
is that i'm getting to know our neighbours

this is the house across from us
the man who lives here brings us various things
which have included, so far:
a bike
a printing press
2 garbage bags full of army berets
and octogon shaped coffee table
wood siding...

and many other treasures.

sometimes we pay a small amount of money
and sometimes not
and sometimes
we just arrive home
and find things waiting for us on our porch.

he said to me once
"i know ken likes recycling"

...it's nice.

tonight when i went out with cedar
there was a rainbow over his house
...perfect for the 2008 Beautiful Port Alberni Calendar

ok, maybe not
but i think i'll print a copy
because maybe his 10-year-old daughter would like it.